Before the 2002 national enactment of the ‘No Child Left Behind’ policy, parents across America decided that every child deserved a ribbon or a trophy for showing up to play soccer, t-ball, little league, art and dance contests, to name a few. Acknowledgement for ‘trying’ is a lovely sentiment but it waters down the accomplishments of those children who prioritized their time, practice, and engagement in their said event.
By equalizing every child’s participation in a variety of events, no one is acknowledged for their excellence and motivation to excel gets diluted. Contrarily, I have had students question why they ‘deserved’ a participation ribbon when they admitted they didn’t really try hard enough nor ‘deserved’ it. We are devaluing our children’s need and responsibility to give themselves honest feedback. The last thing we should be doing is blowing smoke with false accolades of achievement. Encouraging continuing to try is important and brave; but self-reflections and self-evaluations DO motivate many kids to try harder next time; to put in extra practices; and raises a child’s resiliency when life has some hard knocks. It’s OK to NOT be the best. It’s more important to develop the skill of holding a positive outlook in the face of disappointments; to be able to stand up and hone perseverance. Today, these ‘adversities’ of mediocracy are found on the field, the sports court, the stage…. Once an adult, many young people reel back on their heels learning there’s a new standard of personal accountability for their best productivity in the workplace.
In the classroom, unfortunately, we’ve trained a generation to expect an entitlement because they ‘showed up’—as if that was enough. Then there’s the added attitude of not expecting to put out a tangible effort. This entitled attitude has had a very long-term permeation which has moved beyond the classrooms and into work places across America. Many students fall victim to the attitudes: “I showed up. I don’t have to do anything of real effort. I’ll sit back, maybe do minimal effort and take a ‘D’ in your class, after all, it’s a passing grade.” MEDIOCRACY is today’s common work ethic standard while MERITOCRACY has taken a dangerous back seat for far too long.
Students are not the only ones who are buying into the ‘just-show-up’ work ethic. During a parent conference one year with a fourth grade family, I had a helicopter parent get offended when I shared the assessment data I had collected. Their child was behind on several benchmarks and needed additional support at home. There were always additional school supports provided by aides with direct instruction on what to drill down on. Instead of getting a cooperative team approach going, the parent curtly turned to me and said she didn’t believe I had the right to judge her child…. After a brief shock, I replied that my job WAS to specifically evaluate a student’s academic performance and make ‘prescriptions’ on specific actions that would move the child forward successfully. After reflection with colleagues, I concluded that this parent’s attitude was one of a participation ribbon mentality. Despite the parents’ resistance, their student did make benchmarks—on the very low end, but with persistence, could gain grade level standards if they embraced school takes effort… not mere attendance.
On the other end, there were more parents than not, who wanted to reward their child for ‘good grades’ at parent conferences. One first grade parent wanted to reward their son with an ear piercing! I recommended they don’t do that as their son could run out of ears with such a robust award!! With every Back-to-School Night, I tried to convey that rewards can become entitlements and we have to be careful to not slip into that trap. A new toy, money, God help me—food—really needed to be avoided. Instead, creating goals together on a calendar (that motivates the student) -- once EARNED-- would result in a prearranged “paycheck” or ‘stipend’ such as staying up a half hour later on the weekend.
For the past 30 years, our country has exposed our youth to over-compensating coddling, helicopter parenting, and has solidified “participation ribbons” as the work ethic standard to live by. I don’t want any student to ‘just get by.’ As a matter of fact, I wouldn’t tolerate it in my classroom. When a student earned an ‘A’, it meant something—something big.
My wish for my grandchildren, and by extension for all children, is for them to thrive because their education is rigorous with objective assessments that fairly report actual strengths and challenges. The life skills developed during this period need to include honest self-reflections and we should see a developing sense of healthy perseverance over time. When we hold our youth to higher expectations, they will realize they can accomplish so much more than originally thought.
We have to trust ourselves as parents and teachers that our youth can learn life is not just a participation ribbon; a crutch, in essence. Life is not meant to be passive. Life deserves effort. Effort develops ownership in one’s choices and pursuits—no matter how young. Life is more gratifying when we expect more of ourselves.
